Hold on

When I went for a walk on Sunday 10 February of this year the weather was as grey and gloomy as my mood. Only 10 days prior to this day our world was shattered by the devastating message that our youngest son’s girlfriend, our daughter-in-law, had suffered multiple strokes after a succesful surgery to remove an aneurism. It had left her, at the age of 22, completely paralysed and unable to speak. Like a prisoner in her own body. 

A whole range of emotions passed by that first week, sadness, disbelief, despair, anger, hopelessness and many more. We spent many hours at the hospital’s ICU, together with her family and our son, to be there, to give some comfort. But what can you say when even professionals don’t know what to do or predict. What do you say when your child cries in your arms and asks why this happens, when he finally found a sweet girl to spend the rest of his life with….

And of course THE big question: how could this happen after a perfect and succesfull surgery? No one could and no one can answer this, and what made it more devastating was that not one doctor could give a prognosis for the future if she survived the first critical week. Would she ever be able to move again? To talk again? Or would she stay in a vegetative state? Only time could tell…. 

Like I said, when I went out for my first walk, 10 days after this all happened, the weather was like my mood, grey, gloomy and it rained. It was raining when I went out the frontdoor for a walk in the neighbourhood, and it kept raining almost the entire time, rain mingling with my tears, as if the sky was crying like I was.

Four months went by since that walk and a lot happened since then. And so far all positive. Our daughter-in-law survived the critical days, swelling in her brain slowly disappeared and to everyone’s surprise moving became possible. A foot could be lifted from the bed, a hand tried to squeeze, a smile, every little muscletwist was a big step. Slowly more and more was possible, due to intense therapy in a rehab center and her own persistance. As I write this she is able to walk with aid, she can take care of her personal hygiene and she talk.

A very important milestone was when she was able to type on her laptop and could finally connect to the world by herself. Because she couldn’t move and talking was impossible due to a breathingtube, until that moment she had been dependent on cards with letters which someone else would hold up and point at while she used her eyes to say yes or no if the letter was correct or not, thus forming words. Very timeconsuming and frustrating, but the only way to ‘say’ what was on her mind. Her eyes were literally her only way to communicate and her only connection to the world for more than 80 days! Not long after she was able to use her laptop she started a blog to share what happened to her. You can follow her blog here: https://mijngrootstenachtmerrie.com

Knowing all that, it’s needless to say that I am still overwhelmed by joy that I was part of her ‘conspiracy’ to bring her over to our hometown last week for a surprise visit at the soccerfield, where our son was participating in a tournament. While he was under the impression that she was going to visit her parents and that I went out for a walk, I drove to the rehab center, picked her up and drove back. The look of surprise and joy on his face was priceless. During the rest of that day he drove her around in her wheelchair, played his games, let her meet their friends again after a long time,  and simply enjoyed having her there. The day ended with a backstage visit to one of the singers at the eveningparty, and festivities at the front row during his performance, in the company of friends.

I drove back home late that evening after bringing her back to the rehab center, tired but utterly happy and grateful that I could do this for them. They still have a long way to go, but her persistance, his support and their love for eachother will get them through in future days to come as it did in these past months.