Yesterday hubby and I paid a visit to friends we hadn’t seen in a very long time.Our friendship goes back 35 years, from the time I met her when we started working as physiotherapists in a practice in Krefeld in Germany. After working in that practice for 1,5 years we went different ways, but our friendship remained and both our partners joined in that friendship. Sometimes many years got by without meeting or having a chat over the phone, but every time the 4 of us met it was as if we only met last week and we picked up the thread where we left it. Yesterday was the first time in 6 years….
We have a lot in common besides our profession. Age, married, 2 children, various interests, enough to fill hours of wonderful conversations and visits are always filled with joy, fun, jokes and laughter.
But for more than 25 years we share worries because of health issues too. I with my hubby with multiple chronic illnesses, and she as a 3 times breastcancersurvivor. My hubby started to have issues with his health when he was in his 30’s, my friend was diagnosed with breastcancer for the first time when she wasn’t even 40! And being a partner of one of these people, her husband and I were confronted with all the sorrow and worries that come with it, meanwhile keeping things on track for families with young children.
Above, and despite, all we all share a strong determination to go on, not to quit, no matter what. My hubby still works, despite his pain, poor lungs, a pacemaker and a hipreplacement. And my friend, well, she got back to work as a physiotherapist only 4 weeks after she had both breasts amputated last time the cancer came back, 10 years ago! They both (and we with them) kept on going where others had already quit long ago, saying: “there are always people with bigger issues.”
Keep on going like this is only possible when partners are equally strong and determined, no matter how hard it is. And as a partner you grow in it. It becomes part of your life and way of living, to take your partner’s health into account in almost everything you do.
And now the 4 of us are (almost) all 60 years of age and slowly we start to realise that we are tired, that it’s enough. That a life of taking responsibility, being determined to go on and never quit where others would, took its toll on all of us, patients AND their partner! That we have reached our limit.
Reading our partner’s healthfiles should be enough for authorities to say “you’ve done enough for society, you get the recognition and the rest you deserve”. Instead we have to fight to convince authorities of it and our government expects us to work longer because statistics tell we live longer. We know we’re not alone in this, and that there are many others like us, and of course we won’t give up. We never did, and never will. But with every year that passes it gets a little harder, it requires a bit more effort, it hurts a little more, and we realise:
We are strong, but we are tired.
Take a walk! 